T oday the Word of God focuses on marriage and in a sense on family, since in Mark's gospel Jesus turns from his discussion about marriage to children. There's no particular connection, except perhaps the relative fierceness with Jesus insists on respecting the right of the children to come to him and touch him. Given the current political excitement over the Mark Foley case, the account provides an interesting contrast. It has a lot to do with trust.
In regard to marriage, Jesus himself cites the passage from Genesis that we heard in the first reading. He uses it to challenge the practice of the day by which a man could divorce his wife for any number of reasons, some of them paltry and inevitably to the great disadvantage of the wife. Jesus appeals to the tradition that the unbreakable bond of marriage rests on the profound union, the virtual identity, of husband and wife celebrated in the Genesis story. We should not overlook the point that in defending the sanctity of marriage, Jesus is particularly defending the rights and dignity of women.
We often miss the point of that story by reading later attitudes back into it. In fact, what the creation story tells us is that the woman was taken from the side of man, bone of bone and flesh of flesh, to stand beside him, to share dominion and destiny. In short, to be his equal, his partner and helpmate. Unlike all the other creatures, the man is not placed over her, but beside her. And that, quite simply, is all that St. Paul was later talking about when he said that the man was the "head" or the source of the woman, since in fact every other man who ever walked the earth was born of woman [Eph. 5:23].
Unlike the names Adam gives the animals, when he later calls the woman “Eve,” he proclaims her much more than his own flesh and blood. The play on words is significant, even in Hebrew. Especially in Hebrew, in which the common word for “man” is 'iysh . The word we translate as “woman,” is simply the feminine form of 'iysh , 'ishshah . The name “Adam” is not at first a proper name, but like 'iyshadamah simply means “a human being, a person.” Literally it means something like a lump of red mud. You probably don’t need to know that. But when the man calls the woman taken from his side “Eve,” that is a proper name and more than that — in Hebrew havvah means “life-giver.” She is, he proclaims, the mother of all the living.
But even in Eden, things didn't work out as God wanted — the gift of human freedom gave rise to human arrogance, disobedience, and sin. The story is clear on that score and also on the trouble that would result in the struggle of men and women to realize the profound unity of love that first and most deeply makes them one body. It describes, simply, the mystery and occasionally the muddle of marriage, sometimes known as "the war between the sexes." And not without cause, I can assure you, having worked as a marital counselor for over 25 years.
It is not easy to create a successful marriage. It requires patience, tolerance, respect, kindness, restraint, and fidelity. It often requires healing. And if it is true, as I think it is, that the door to a successful marriage is effective communication, the key is generosity and the hinges on which it opens are love and trust. Communication is necessary, but not enough. A friend of mine once stayed with a family in southeastern France, near the German border. The wife spoke only German, the husband only French. But despite the language difference, they had six children and a long and happy marriage. (My friend wondered at one point whether more marriages would be happy if husbands and wives spoke different languages, but I don't think that was the point.) They loved each other and their children. They were life givers.
I can't imagine a good marriage, or a good family, that does not also experience suffering. Not even Jesus' own family could escape it. A marriage grown on shallow ground will not survive severe suffering. A strong marriage and a strong family will — but it requires courage, resolve, and persistence. Here the second reading should be both a guide and a comfort. The writer reminds us that in order to bring us all to glory, God did not merely allow Jesus to experience suffering, but required it. He, our leader in the work of salvation, was made perfect through suffering — “perfection” here meaning completeness, full maturity. Jesus uses the same word in the Gospel of John, when he bows his head on the cross and says, “It is accomplished — finished — perfect” [John 19:28-30].
When a woman and man promise to be faithful and true in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, until death — they are embracing the possibility of suffering. If they don't understand that, they ought to think again. But they have God's assurance that they can survive suffering and grow through it — fulfilling their hope and promise. That is what it means to be one body. It lies at the heart of Christian marriage.
For some reason Mark appended a familiar section to Jesus' remarks on the holiness and depth of marriage that has to do with children. Perhaps the debate with Pharisees was interrupted at that point by a swarm of little kids wanting to get near him. In readings from past weeks, Jesus also explained the new reign of God by pointed to children. Here he does again, but with a difference. Here, the children insert themselves into the scene, insistently wanting to touch Jesus. And he is touched. It isn't difficult to imagine Jesus as a kind of kid-magnet. And when the disciples try to shush them and shoo them away, Jesus stops and defends the children. Matthew, Mark, and Luke all report the incident in different places. [See Matt 19: 13-15, Mark 9: 36 -37, Luke 18: 15-17]. Jesus' advice about accepting the kingdom like a little child is not just a romantic aside. Children in Jesus' day were without legal rights of any kind. They had no standing and, like women, were considered to be their father's property.
To accept the Kingdom of God like a little child means to enter it humbly, without arrogance or presumption, gratefully. To accept the kingdom is to accept life. Just as truly, to accept life is to accept the kingdom, a kingdom in which the rights of all —children, women, and men — are respected, especially the right of everyone to a full and fulfilling life.
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